TWISTERS

1920s Radio Announcer Test

Penelope Cholmondely raised her azure eyes from the crabbed scenario. She meandered among the congeries of her memoirs. There was the Kinetic Algernon, a choleric artificer of icons and triptychs, who wanted to write a trilogy. For years she had stifled her risibilities with dour moods. His asthma caused him to sough like the zephyrs among the tamaracks.

1935 WMCA Albert L. Alexander’s Test

Gilhooley’s Department Store and General Emporium announces a special sale of kitchen accessories. Think seriously before buying a kitchen sink. The “Thistle” Sink is the sink to make you think; the “Thistle” Sink is the sanitary sink. This sink slowly sinks into your subconscious. Sink satisfaction is simply a state of sincere appreciation of the satisfaction secured with the use of the “Thistle” Sink. The soft, satiny surface of this serviceable sink sends swift shudders of sheer sublimity scintillating up your spine. This is the sweetest sample of sink-craft since 1776, when dishwashing was accomplished with the aid of a thin brush of soft sea thistles.

And don’t forget the special sale of “Sea Shell” stylish, soft sheer sleek silk stockings for 67 cents the set. Also, remember the great bargain in Bloomers Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers, blissfully bouncy, bought abroad by our biggest Lithuanian buyer.

1940s Radio Central New York

One hen

One hen, Two ducks

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises, Six pair of Don Alverzo’s tweezers

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises, Six pair of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises, Six pair of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array, Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises, Six pair of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array, Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt, Nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates, with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth

One hen, Two ducks, Three squawking geese, Four Limerick oysters, Five corpulent porpoises, Six pair of Don Alverzo’s tweezers, Seven thousand Macedonians in full battle array, Eight brass monkeys from the ancient sacred crypts of Egypt, Nine apathetic, sympathetic, diabetic old men on roller skates, with a marked propensity towards procrastination and sloth, Ten lyrical, spherical, diabolical denizens of the deep who all stall around the corner of the quo of the quay of the quivery, all at the very same time.

1950s WMFT Chicago

The WFMT announcer’s lot is not a happy one. In addition to uttering the sibilant, mellifluous cadences of such cacophonous sounds as Hans Schmidt-Isserstedt, Carl Schuricht, Nicanor Zabaleta, Hans Knappertsbusch and the Hammerklavier Sonata, he must thread his vocal way through the complications of L’Orchestre de la Suisse Romande, the Concertgebouw Orchestra of Amsterdam, the Leipzig Gewandhaus Orchestra and other complicated nomenclature.

However, it must by no means be assumed that the ability to pronounce L’Orchestre de la Societé des Concerts du Conservatoire de Paris with fluidity and verve outweighs an ease, naturalness and friendliness of delivery when at the omnipresent microphone. For example, when delivering a diatribe concerning Claudia Muzio, Beniamino Gigli, Hetty Plumacher, Giacinto Prandelli, Hilde Rössel-Majdan and Lina Pagliughi, five out of six is good enough if the sixth one is mispronounced plausibly. Jessica Dragonette and Margaret Truman are taken for granted.

Poets, although not such a constant annoyance as polysyllabically named singers, creep in now and then. Of course Dylan Thomas and W.B. Yeats are no great worry. Composers occur almost incessantly, and they range all the way from Albeniz, Alfven and Auric through Wolf-Ferrari and Zeisl.

Let us reiterate that a warm, simple tone of voice is desirable, even when introducing the Bach Cantata “Ich hatte viel Bekümmernis,” or Monteverdi’s opera “L’Incoronazione di Poppea.”

Such then, is the warp and woof of an announcer’s existence “in diesen heil’gen Hallen.”